


Loki, Mr. Brightside

by The_Eclectic_Reader23



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crushes, F/M, Feelings Realization, Friends With Benefits, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Song: Mr. Brightside (The Killers), Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:33:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25753633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Eclectic_Reader23/pseuds/The_Eclectic_Reader23
Summary: Loki didn't mean to fall in love.But when he did, he was already heartbroken.Because she didn't feel the same.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 7





	1. The one who fell in love

> _"I know what I'm in for, only a fool wouldn't know that..."_
> 
> _~ Patricia Cornwell_

Loki paced around his room nervously. He hadn't felt this nervous for... a long, long time. 

The reason for his restless night was her. 

His friend. His lover from time to time, but only for a physical touch they both craved. Nothing else. There was never anything higher or purer involved in this little love game they both played with each other, and they played it very well. 

Come to think of it, Loki wasn't even sure how all of this started. Was it the Christmas a year ago, when he found her crying on the sofa, and the party they were both attending lived to its fullest around her, that nobody noticed one unhappy person not sharing their family joy? When he found out that her fiance not only cheated, but also kept his wife and children hidden from her? 

"I'm not going for love anymore. It hurts too damn much," she swore to herself (and to him, as he was a very patient and quiet listener). 

A morning after, he woke up in her bed. His senses almost left him paralyzed as he looked at his chest, to find her head resting on it. Did she hear his heart beating too loud? Because he was panicking. 

"I cannot offer you romance you crave so much," he told her while she was dressing up, with her back turned to him. Yes, he was such a coward. "I'm sorry, I truly am, but I am not capable of giving you love in a way you want and deserve it." 

"It's all right, Loki," she spoke, her voice still a bit hoarse from sleeping.

Then he noticed: she didn't speak with sarcasm nor melancholy. Most importantly, she didn't speak with _hurt_. 

"I don't ask that of you. I don't expect anything. We are two adults who happened to... hm, probably get more drinks than we should and slept together afterwards," she shrugged off. "It's nothing big." 

She gave him a nice, reassuring smile and Loki nodded, somewhat still a bit confused.

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked abruptly. And wondered if she'll get what he meant. 

Luckily, she did. "Yes, I do. Thank you, Loki, for everything. You've always been a kind friend to me." 

She opened the door, with a towel tucked under her left arm, and glanced at him. He picked up the sign that it's time for him to leave, to give her some privacy after a long, emotional night when she pretended that he was the one she loved, and he acted like he didn't care for not being one. 

"I need to tell you... I wasn't drinking last night." 

* * *

Although he thought the confession would eventually cause her to go away, after he admitted to be perfectly sober that passionate night, sleeping with her in his full, uninterrupted consciousness, she didn't. 

Rather, her perception slightly changed, and some new feelings erupted between them. It was nothing too much, nor too intense, but they both found it to be a great way of dealing with the absence of love and physical affection. 

They started seeing each other on a daily basis, and their secret meetings quickly turned out to be secret love-making sessions, nights filled with lustful behaviour and rough kisses. Desperation of theirs was equally expressed, and equally accepted by both sides; nor her nor Loki would ever dare to judge one another. They were too good of friends for a long time now, and their dynamic was already settled. 

So this what they were doing, what was referred to as 'the thing with a certain benefit', was all her idea. After the unsuccessful attempts to find a truesome lover and a partner for life, her physical needs got the best of her, and the need for a release was tightly clenching around her, so she had to find a solution. 

That's where Loki came in the picture. He was a person she had known for most of her life, a close friend she could tell all her secrets and doubts to; and Loki expected the same kindness in return, which he did get. He was always there for her, never crossing the line of discomfort. 

Loki wanted love, but in those youthful days of his life, love was the same as sex; it was a concept, and the only reason of it was to grant satisfaction (and, well, to breed). He accepted the offer with readiness as he, too, cared enough to get a hold of a relationship of which he only read in books. 

The one promise that was not to be broken under any circumstances: do not fall in love. 

Loki snorted at that. He considered to be above petty promises, truthfully believing in his abilities of self-control and restraint. How could she ever doubt his intentions? 

"This is all for the fun. Just the game," he'd say. 

"All I'm doing is saying that we should never get it out of our minds. Never," she'd warn him when Loki got too cocky. 

"Trust me, darling, I'll never break the promise," he said back, leaning above her, "And I'll never fall in love with you." 

The Fate, however, had it its own way.

* * *

That was how he got himself in trouble. 

Especially now, that he finally encountered his fears and his feelings, preparing to meet his lover with the news. He was aware of how much the confession could endanger their friendship, and what light it would shone on him. But, as his mind was spinning in wild circles, he knew he had already taken the risk the day he agreed to be her secret lover. Only this one last leap was a deciding factor in the way his future will look like. 

Will she love him or will she resent him? 

It turned out, he was the one surprised the most. 

She found somebody. Somebody who, as she told him, felt like home. And it was hard to beat that. 

She loved somebody else. Somebody who is a more decent person. Somebody who is not Loki, the god of mischief. 

Somebody much, much more worthy. 

"Congratulations, dear friend," he said, smiling warmly. "I wish you all the happiness. You must be very fortunate to find somebody like that... man." 

She smiled wide at him. "Oh, Loki, I am. I am very happy... Surely there will be someone for you too. Someone who will feel as homely as he feels to me."

"I don't think I'd like that." _Because there will be no one like you._

In that moment he kissed her. It was a primary reaction; his brain told him it was a last chance, and the only one he'd ever get to bring her closer to him, to show her she was wrong from finding love somewhere else, when he could have given her everything and more. 

She was unprepared and startled at first. But the accustomed sync of their lips moving together quickly sank in. 

This kiss was not like Loki's usual ones; carefree, playful, fast. It was not speaking of natural hunger that the physical contact could seal. 

Loki kissed her slowly, tenderly, as if he was desperately clinging onto her. He kissed her as if he was.... _No._

She pulled away instantly. Loki almost fell on her. 

"Loki... what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to save the taste of your lips now that I'll kiss them no more," he said, sternly. She heard him pant, and the sound of it was horrifyingly hurting. 

"We agreed this was all just a temporal, physical thing between us, Loki," she tried to explain. 

"And our friendship? That means nothing?" 

"Our friendship is real. It will always be permanent," she promised. "Don't have doubt in that." 

"You've got to hold some affections for me, my friend."

"I love you in my own way." 

_I love you in my own way._

How much a simple statement could hurt. It sank deep, sticking to his poor being's lungs like a glue, and forcing him to exhale as if a sharp knife cut through his core. From there, it started bleeding blue Frost giant blood. 

And he showed none of this. 

Instead, Loki smirked, the way he always did, and the way she'd gotten used to seeing him, denying his self, concealing the feelings that hit, banged, scratched and screeched at the walls he built around himself. 

"I hold affections for you, too, my dear friend." 

Gods, what a fool in love he had become. 


	2. The one who didn't love enough

> _"It started out with the kiss_
> 
> _How did it end up like this?_
> 
> _It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss"_
> 
> _~ Mr. Brightside by The Killers_

She had no idea of any of the battles Loki had to live through every day as she slipped away from his tender grip, only to rush to somebody else, somebody else he couldn't find the name of, merely think about. 

Of course, there was _him_. And _he_ was the one she was looking for her whole life, struggling to maintain her happy, casual self, and not to dive into deep, unwelcomed, dark thoughts. 

She was loved, and she finally loved back. That was enough. 

The kiss still bothered her though. She was aware of it being their last, and maybe Loki got sentimental (he would never admit it, however), but the way his lips reached for her when she pulled away... it was something that seemed off. 

She was afraid of what it could mean. She was afraid that she knew exactly _what_ it meant for Loki, and how he needed to express his wish, his emotion through one small, harmless kiss. 

The kiss he gave her would be the kiss that will slice his heart with a sword in half. 

* * *

She found Loki in the park, on the bridge over the lake, staring at the water, motionless. 

It was a place he'd always go when he was feeling nostalgic and distressed. (The library was his number two place when he needed peace and silence to think.) 

"Loki!" she shouted. 

He picked up his head, and she saw what deeply disturbed her, as equally concerned: his face had unhealthly colour, almost greyish; dark circles under his eyes reflected how tired he looked, exhausted from both the mental fight in the chaotic mind and the absence of regular sleep, when all the conspiracy theories roared relentlessly through his thoughts. 

He was beaten down, this time finally and forever.

"Loki," she spoke his name once again, panting from the run she had to take to reach his shaky form, and Loki couldn't help himself but to imagine her saying this exact name, exact word to call him, like a thing, even if he felt like one. 

He offered her a smile. It took the last bit of energy he collected. 

"How are you this lovely day, darling? Anything you need me to help you with?" 

Loki gave all of himself to sound neutral, unaffected by the love that was suffocating him inside, and which was growing each day. Even jealousy, of which he was famous for, didn't find its place here. 

Love was an emotion that was destroying him. 

"Is everything all right?" he asked suddenly, as she didn't answer his question, thus confirming his fear of something larger happening.

"No, it's not," she cried out. "It's not, Loki, it's not!" 

"Did somebody hurt you?" 

She nodded, looking down at the surface of the lake. The nature of it; it was so untouched by the complicated, dramatic lives in front of itself and its beauty. It was uncaring of the bad that only life could bring, closing the blind eye to the friends, lovers suffering. 

"You," she admitted. "You hurt me." 

"What?" his eyes grew wide. He was shocked, terrified. He hurt her? How? 

She wiped a tear from her eye, taking his hand in hers. She rubbed the back of his palm with gentle, slow motion. 

"Are you in love with me, Loki?" she asked.

"Yes," he answered. 

"Ah, Loki... Ah."

Tears were already drying on her cheeks, those sensitive, pink cheeks, which the spring breeze carressed softly. He chased them away with his left thumb. She shivered under his touch, and he knew it was not because of the coldness. She was used to him being too cold for her liking; ironically, how did he end up being the one dying due to flames in his uncivilised heart? 

"I am. I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry." 

"We said we wouldn't. We promised we wouldn't." 

"I'm sorry," he repeated, as if he had nothing else to say. What could he say anyway? That, if he could, if there was a magic spell to cast away the feelings she awoke in his chest, he would use it? That he would let all of his love for her go? 

No. He would never. 

"That's what the kiss meant, didn't it? You wanted me to know that you love me." 

"I did. I just wanted to show you," he uttered with difficulty. "One last time." 

"You shouldn't have done it, Loki!" she raised her voice. Loki flinched backwards. "Not now when I... When I..."

"Darling-"

"Say no word more," she threatened, forcing a hand between them. She looked him in the eyes intently. "I love somebody else. I do. With my whole heart. I can't screw it up. I can't."

He closed his eyes shut. The world around him fell silent. The touch of her one hand resting above his own was the only factor connecting him with reality.

What could he have expected? That she would leave a soul so personal, a kindred soul she was looking for at other times, although claiming she didn't need love. 

But she needed it. Oh, she did. And now that she found it, somebody was bound to go. Loki wasn't unintelligent; he was aware of his wanted spot to be taken by someone much more special to her heart than he was. 

"Even for my best friend."

The blade cut deeper. The words supressed his inner need to scream from pain; for the pain was too real, too excruciating. 

"I'm so sorry, Loki. If I knew this would happen... I would have never asked you to do it for me," she was crying, "I was so selfish. I took care only of my needs and my wishes, and I completely left you out of the picture. I am sorry." 

"Don't be," Loki cut off, but his voice broke at the end. "I know what I agreed to. I know what I put on a stake. It's not your fault, darling." 

"Loki-" 

"It's not your fault," he whispered, tracing his fingers over her cheek. 

She nodded and stiffed. His fingers danced slowly on her skin; the alone familiarity of the feeling caused her to break. Flashbacks of the nights spent together, in a sweaty, but loving embrace, when Loki would give his all and offer his best to her, and she would take it in, to satisfy her needs, or rather the absence of it. 

All she wanted, all she craved was a warm body next to hers. To fill the empty spot of the bed. 

And Loki, he wanted, he craved love. He craved her attention, and he tried to grab it through his actions. 

She put a hand over his. He stopped the carress. 

"Can you forget me, Loki?" 

_Never, in thousands of years_ , his mind echoed. 

"Of course," he said simply. 

She nodded again. Lastly, turned her lips to his palm and pressed a deep, hard kiss. It was full of regret. Loki knew she was hurt by her own actions towards him, and he knew she was tremendously sorry for ending their story this way. 

But he had to let her do the things on her own pace; Loki accepted the battle for her heart was the one he lost. 

"I... I have to go," she said, and he licked his lips, encouraging her to go on, "I will leave you to your thoughts."

_Give me one last kiss. Please._

But she didn't. She parted from him as quickly as she came, and Loki smiled at that. She was like a storm, coming in his life with a thunderous crash, then getting out of it like a quiet creek, bound to leave as invisible as she could. 

"Loki, let me go," she spoke and Loki looked down. Their hands were held together, their fingers intertwined. "It will hurt you more if you try to keep me close. I'm doing this for your well-being."

 _Goodbye, my love_ , he cried after her, watching her go away without his company, running to meet the lover she cherished, the one her heart desired. 

"I love you," he whispered to the wind, and the wind took his words, it remembered them, it cursed them, and it mourned them. 

He stayed on the bridge till the late evening, staring effortlessly at the Sun going down, losing its light on the horizon. It mimicked the dying of his heart so perfectly. 

When both lights finally went out, he moved away from the stone backrest and walked home. There he would find no one but silence, and he felt ready to meet his dearest friend. 

He swore to never go back to that place again. Why would he anyway, in any world? No one dares to return back to the place they left their heart to die and burn. He learned his lesson. 

For once we love, and for once we get hurt. 

**Author's Note:**

> So I made myself cry at this 😢😟  
> Just heard the song few days ago and thought of writing something induced by it. (It's much sadder than I wanted it to be)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed :)
> 
> "I'm coming out of my cage/And I've been doing just fine/Gotta gotta be down/Because I want it all"  
> Song rightfully belongs to amazing The Killers.


End file.
